Metamorphosis

The blog lay forgotten in a corner of the web. Or rather, I hadn’t forgotten about it, I just couldn’t bring myself to update it anymore. My head was spinning. The blog didn’t feel right to me anymore. Not mine.

Confession time.

I was this girl that never felt very girly. I was this girl who grew into the woman that was never good enoug. Never feminine enough. I tried and failed. Not once. Not twice. I tried and failed a thousand times, and with each fall the hurt got worse.

Deep down I knew it all this time, but I didn’t want to give in. So after each fall I gritted my teeth and got up. I’d work harder at being the woman I was supposed to be.

Then life got in the way. I needed to change my clothing style because I could no longer walk well. I needed clothes that wouldn’t turn riding my bike or Spazmobile into some dangerous endeavour.

Almost overnight I went from hyper-feminine to rather masculine.

changeIt felt liberating. No more playing pretend. Finally, I could just be me. A butch lesbian. Or so I thought.

But I was wrong. A thought kept niggling at my subconscious. It was the one thought I’d tried to suppress so hard for so long, and there it was again. Nag, nag, nag. Bothering me worse than ever before.

I’m a man. I was never a girl. Never a woman. Oh, on the outside I was, but not on the inside. I was born with a male brain in a female body. And after trying for so long to somehow rewire my brain, it finally dawned on me that there was only one thing to do: change my body, because obviously, changing the brain was never going to work.

That’s why I stopped blogging. I needed time to sort through my feelings. I needed time to accept that I’m a guy. I needed a new name. And obviously, the blog also needed a new name.

So here I am, and I welcome you to my newly revamped blog: Liam’s Family Bed & Breakfast – where family comes first.

I’ll be writing about the same things I used to write about: trying to live a simpler life, renovating the house on a budget, and taking care of the family whilst dealing with disability.

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About Liam

Poet, writer, aspiring minimalist
This entry was posted in Random reflections. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Metamorphosis

  1. krisalex333 says:

    LOVE the purple shirt!

    Like

  2. Damon says:

    It has been quite some time. Glad to see things are improving and you have finally let go of that weight. Hope all continues to be well. 🙂

    Like

    • Liam says:

      Thank you. It’s definitely been a while. Good to hear from you again, young man. I hope you’re doing well too. From what I’ve seen on FB, the ladies really like you. 🙂

      Like

  3. Diane says:

    Welcome back & thanks for sharing… I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling & dealing with and how difficult this must be for you. I hope your family is being supportive. I’m glad you’re back to blogging & hope to hear from you again soon… I recently checked for updates & was wondering where you’d been. Glad to hear it wasn’t a health crisis!

    Like

    • Liam says:

      Thank you, Diane. To be honest, there was a health crisis too, but that only lasted for a couple of weeks and then I was fine again. Or as fine as the EDS allows me to be. It was the turmoil in my head that kept me from blogging. My husband and daughters are very supportive, and the rest of my relatives are also doing their best.
      And, I’ve got a new blog post scheduled in just a couple of days.

      Like

  4. Anita Friedman says:

    Liam or Daniel? I quess you decided on Daniel. Whatever I wish you all luck in the world. You are very brave.

    Like

  5. Wat goed van jou, eindelijk trouw aan jezelf!!!!!!

    Like

  6. stephanie says:

    Welcome back and I hope your positive changes go as smoothly as possible

    Like

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